Hello Candidate B,

Last Saturday, I was formally accepted into the Baltimore City New Teacher Pool and told (after months and months of waiting) that I will be able to teach English in Baltimore. It's been four years since I was a teacher in the NYCDOE, but upon moving to Baltimore, I knew I wanted to return to the classroom. I started the process of transferring my NY license in JANUARY in order to put myself in a position where I wouldn't be scrambling at the last minute for a school. But, like many other school systems, the last minute scramble is the status quo.

On Thursday, I interviewed at a high school that felt like a great fit. A big school with a proud history and an entirely new administration (that I loved, completely connected with). The interview went so well that I caught the administration smiling at each other.

"We'll call you tomorrow, Candidate."

Yesterday, I woke up at 4:30am with excitement, then waited in a state of half-anxiety. I could barely concentrate on anything else. I started planning lessons. I looked through all of my old materials. I tried to remember my system of classroom management consequences. I told the daycare workers at the gym:

"Sorry, we won't be coming back next week because I'll be working."

 I gave an extra daycare ticket I had to a friend:

"We won't be able to use this because I'll be working...Yes, teaching...Yes, high school... English."

By 6pm, I'd heard nothing from the school and knew something was wrong. In all of these months of being a Candidate, my experience has been that the longer it takes someone to call back...well, not good news. I called the school and received a general answering machine, on which I did not leave a message. At 8:15pm the principal finally called me.

"We really liked you...

We wish we could hire you...

A displaced teacher wants this position...

There's nothing we can do...

Union rules...."

Teachers are to begin this Monday. I don't have a position or a school or any idea why I was told that particular high school had a vacancy at the same moment a teacher already in the system was allowed to take that vacancy. And for now? Monday I'll call my BCPSS HR-man and let him know that Candidate is still looking for a job. 

Luckily, I am married to Evan, the eternal optimist. I swear, if I wasn't with Evan, I'd be wallowing in some deep waters right now. But Evan's positivity has worn off on me in ways that are so helpful and obvious to me. Evan's philosophy is that dipping into the dark side helps no one...that things will always work out...that we can get it done...especially together (the Jack Johnson song we danced to at our wedding -Better Together)...that you only need one day to pack up a house...that all of our furniture WILL fit in his parent's basement. I've argued with him ("We need to find a storage unit for our furniture!!!" ) But in the end, he is very often right. Most of the time, things do work out. And if they don't, there is another, better way. Another door opening. And it does feel better to think of the good. 

It can be annoying to be married to someone who always looks on the bright side (really, aren't some days just MADE for being a downer?). And though his bright side sometimes clashes with my extreme worrying and anxiety, I am grateful for him and his attitude. For him, I think of a quotation from Wally Lamb's I'll Fly Away: Further Testimonies from the Women of York Prison:

When I count my blessings, I count you twice.